Good Morning, All. I hope everyone that celebrates Easter had a happy one!
I was just reading yesterday how eggplant is supposed to induce labor. We only stayed at Easter dinner briefly yesterday because I was feeling so hot, crampy and uncomfortable…but still no labor. Anyone that follows me on twitter may have seen the #stillpregnant updates 😉 I THOUGHT I was getting contractions, like REAL contractions when we got home from Easter (thought the eggplant did it). Turned out they didn’t come back. Just the same crampy stuff. False alarm.
I have had virtually EVERY SINGLE sign that labor is coming VERY soon except for my water breaking and true timed contractions. Every single one (sparing the details). But still, no baby. I’ve said before I have mixed feelings about my pregnancy ending. Yesterday I had a little meltdown, which I will tell you about in a minute. Michael and I both feel like we are being held hostage at this point. I think our families do too which makes me feel bad. The anticipation and not knowing is the worst. Not to mention I am SO bored. There is nothing to do, and I don’t feel like doing anything that requires too much brain power. It’s a weird cycle.
Aside from having ALL the labor signs since last Tuesday…I have also worked hard to try and move things along.
Monday: Good workout in the gym
Tuesday: Another good workout. Massage from a therapist who is a trained doula and knows the trigger points to induce labor.
Wednesday: 2 separate half hour walks. Lots of squatting.
Thursday: Long walk and Prenatal Yoga with lots of Squats
Friday: Half hour walk, even though I was EXTREMELY crampy and sore from the day before.
Saturday: Rented the Rug Doctor and cleaned my filthy white carpets that I couldn’t STAND the sight of anymore. Boy, that was fun…it exhausted me the most. And the thing barely worked and ran out of water every 5 minutes. Michael dealt with filling it for me. I ended up scrubbing some spots on my hands and knees with the rubber gloves on.
FYI–No worries, all the windows were open and all the fans were on the chemicals were not bad. We got the pet friendly formula too (not toxic). I have NO chemicals in the house, I clean with all eco-friendly stuff…but nothing has worked on these carpets and they got so bad because I am so nutty about the no chemicals in this house. This has 1/2 cup of solution for 1 gallon of water so it really isn’t too bad. At least my carpets look better now. I was SURE my water would break after doing this.
Sunday: Planned to go for a walk…had Easter at 1, wanted to go in the afternoon. It was 85 degrees out and I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable. By the time the sun started going down it stormed 🙁 This was when I had a meltdown….
Emotional Breakdown/ Confessions
It’s so hard for me to write this because I am in such an emotional place right now. Yes, I am 39.5 weeks pregnant and it is to be expected. I am lucky I haven’t had too many breakdowns throughout my pregnancy. I felt I was being a good role model to all of the women out there who have suffered from body image issues. Showing them that you CAN have a healthy mentality during pregnancy. That you CAN do it and be happy. This week though, I feel I am failing at that.
Truth is, these past couple weeks have been so hard for me. I have managed to be mentally healthy the majority of my pregnancy in terms of my body image and weight gain. Intelligently, I know when I step on that scale and I gained 5 pounds in 2 weeks that it’s mostly fluid. I feel ridiculous admitting that at this point the top of my list of reasons to want to go into labor like NOW is the fear of stepping back on that scale Tuesday when I go to the doctor. How it’s going to make me feel. I don’t even know if it’s the scale that bothers me. I just feel big everywhere. I made the BIG mistake of trying to wear one of my flowy maxi dresses that I though I could get away with wearing yesterday, only to see I can’t even step into it. I used to look like a hanger in it, it’s so free flowing. Now, snug and tight around my hips when it’s an A-line maxi dress. Why did I do that to myself? I am almost 10 months pregnant! I have No maternity clothes for 85 degree weather and I am SO hot and uncomfortable I thought, maybe I can get away with something A-line. No way.
I have managed to STILL stay active every day but my appetite has soared this past week and a half. I feel like I have no self control. I guess you can call it carbo-loading for labor. One of my birthing books actually recommends doing it right before labor, as if anyone KNOWS when that will happen. Now I see just how smart my body is I guess, knowing it needs to load up for the marathon that is giving birth. I read about this after not understanding WHY I couldn’t stop eating carbs and sugar (it made me feel temporarily better). A few weeks ago I was craving nothing but light foods, thinking this is great..I will transition into post-baby eating nice and light. Now, not so much. I am eating dessert pretty much daily. Three times yesterday which was ridiculous. You would think after seeing the rapid weight gain I would be making a point to fill up on nutrient-rich foods, but for some reason I have eaten worse these past week and a half than I have my entire pregnancy. Still active, just can’t control the fork. I hate how it’s made me feel. I still can’t stop it though.
I was in such a great place with my body these past 4 years, and more than half of my pregnancy. I fear that it’s going away now and will only be worse after I give birth because there is no longer an “excuse” to have some extra junk in my trunk. I fear that I will be SO exhausted being a new mom that I won’t have the energy to workout as hard as I’ll need to get back to my pre-baby “happy place.” I fear that I will not have the energy to take the time to prepare clean, healthy meals. That I will just subject myself to letting Michael bring me home take out. Not that I make bad choices when we do eat out, but I know I will need to prepare my own meals 85% of the time to be back where I was, and be the healthiest I can be. I fear feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I fear I am going to struggle getting back to where I want to be like I struggled for so many years with my weight and my body. All of this may mean nothing. Once Ella is here this may all be in the back of my mind, the least of my worries. Right now, in this moment I am having major anxiety. I just needed to get this off my chest. I hope it doesn’t discourage anyone. Michael keeps telling me to stop is and just embrace my last days of being pregnant. I wish it were that simple.
I actually feel better that I typed this wordy post about my meltdown. So, I leave you today on a positive note. I am hanging in…just a little restless and anxious about many things, obviously. But I am strong and will be just fine 🙂
Have a great day! Today, the 25th, is the same day I was born (July 25th), so maybe Ella will make her appearance. As I said before I was born the 25th and the Royal Wedding was the 29th. If Ella is born today she will be in the same scenario. Not getting my hopes up. Feels like it’s never going to happen at this point, but it’s definitely inevitable 😉 even if it’s not today.
Anyway…how was your holiday for those that celebrated?
What’s the weather like where you are?