I’ve been for blogging about 3 years now and I found that while I was pregnant my blog popularity was at an all-time high. I mean, if you have no idea who I am…I’ll give it to you in the words of the great Jay-Z : “I don’t know how to put this…I’m kind of a big deal.”
Personally I can’t get enough of the pregnant ladies since having a little one of my own –so I don’t blame you.
With that being said my advice to you is if you want to be a popular blogger–get yourself knocked-up!
It’s pretty much why I was so eager to conceive. Naturally. [<–*Cough* Attention whore!]
Okay…maybe motherhood for blog hits is not ideal for everyone. I get it.
So, I did some serious market research on this one. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about here.
If you want the full-proof method to quadrupling your blog hits, here’s a list of things that are sure to get you there:
1. Get pregnant
2. Post pornographic photos of your oatmeal on a daily basis.
3. Call your significant other by ANYTHING other than their first name. “Hubster” “The Boy” “Manfriend” “Meow Meow” and “Bug” are all suitable nicknames. You could also use an acronym or just the first initial. Or mix it up and use an anagram. Get creative.
I couldn’t tell you what this has to do with healthy living, but people sure do think it’s cute.
4.To make yourself relatable, post a photo of the small cookie you ate after a 10 mile run. Never ever admit to eating more than that, even though you probably did. People are judging you. This way, when you’re called out you can play the “I don’t post everything I eat” card.
Kind of like when I eat an entire bar of NibMor chocolate but don’t tell you guys about it. Whoops.
5. Go gluten-free, dairy-free, raw-vegan and paleo all in the same week. Then write a long post explaining why you are no longer raw, vegan, paleo, dairy or gluten-free. Follow it with a photo a a Blizzard from Dairy Queen and how you only ate 1/4 of it. People are judging you.
6. Post lots and lots and lots of toolbag self portraits of yourself. Post-workout or otherwise. The more per post the better. Preferably with an instagram filter, because filters make you look so pretty. People love looking at you. Just make sure the angle is good because they will judge you if it isn’t.
which brings me to my next rule…
7. Two words: “self-timer.” Use it wisely.
8. If your blender costs less than $300. you have no chance.
9. Make sure to comment on AT LEAST 75 blogs per day.
Say something like:
“OMG! Your oatmeal is giving me a foodgasm!!!!!”
After a while you will become so popular that you will no longer have to comment on any blogs.– “If you comment, they will come.”
10. “Nut milk,” “nut butter” and “chia seeds” should all be staples in your diet. In fact, you could probably live off of those three items alone.
Once you become a very very very popular healthy living blogger you need to read this article. Because people are judging you.
Question of the day (<—ALWAYS include one of these!)
What are your tips on becoming a “popular” healthy living blogger?
See you next time with a post on everything I eat from the POV of a nursing mom. I’m being serious. Don’t judge me.